Sometimes, you need to just step away from things and enjoy.

Today was a fairly nice day. I woke up, got dressed, and took the boyf to work. Along the way I got a call to set up an interview for a second job. Checked in at my first job to make sure they wouldn’t be needing assistance today, then drove up to visit my folks. Mom and I did some nice grocery stocking, plus we got some hair dye and facial masks so we could just have a night of girly glory. No troubles, no cares, just us chicks. One chocolate mask and two boxes of dye later (my hair is getting ridiculously long), I pack up and drive back home, taking the forty-five minute commute to think of just how blessed I am to have so much goodness in my life.

Of course, I could complain about a lot of things. I have plenty of regrets under my belt. I have many instances where I ask, “What if?” And sometimes, when people are unhappy, I ask myself, “Did I do anything wrong?” But to be honest, I find myself less and less willing to get caught up on the “what ifs” and “where did I go wrongs?”. Because if all the things I’ve done have brought me here, it can’t really be wrong, can it? I can’t please everyone – that’s just a fact of life. But I can please myself. And I do. I am happy with who I am. I am content. That’s what counts. Anything or anyone that attempts to distract me from this is completely and utterly unimportant.

Life is what you make it. I’m making mine good.

Well Christ on a bike, it’s been since December, hasn’t it? Here’s the scoop:

I dropped out of the University of Kentucky, because I had had it up to my eyeballs with their bullshit. I was rather tired of feeling like my money was more important to them than my education (how many times had I been told by my professors that “the grades don’t matter?”), and it made me vomit a little whenever I realized that the education gimmick was really just an excuse to have SPORTS!!1 After being dicked around by multiple agencies for which I needed to volunteer in order to fulfill my the requirements of Social Work classes, and being screwed over the TA in my German Cinema class, I came home one day in tears, crawled in bed and cried for an hour or two, while repeating “I’m not going back. This place just isn’t worth it.” This was sometime back in March, if I do recall correctly.

Soon after, I scheduled an appointment to tour my mom’s alma mater… a nice, tiny, private college in the middle of bumfucked-Egypt. I invite her ride along, as I figured it’d be nice for her to have the chance to “go back home”, as it were. And dudes? It was fantastic. So I immediately applied, sent in my transcripts and scores, and waited to hear back with what kind of scholarship package I’d be getting. I mean, this place isn’t cheap… we’re talking, twice the cost of UK. Even though I knew I qualified for a legacy scholarship, having three generations in my family walk in and out of their doors, I didn’t know if they had exhausted their scholarship awards for the year. So I was sweating bullets until my letter arrived. And I didn’t get the Legacy scholarship (boo!)… I got a better one (YAY!).

The usual routine occurs, where you register for classes, some get canceled, things get fucked up, things get fixed, blah blah etc. Which brings us to today, my last day of freedom before class starts tomorrow.

Other updates? Well, let’s see. I got a little job, which earns me even smaller paychecks. Saw VNV in NKY back in March. Started reading the Sword of Truth series by Terry Goodkind. Flew cross-country to visit some friends a few weeks ago. Some hellacious family drama occurred at roughly the same time as that travel adventure, and is still unfolding on a continuing basis. And… ehm. I think that’s about it, really. Exciting, right? Obviously, we haven’t missed much in my non-updating mood. But maybe I’ll update more now that I’m not so filled with hate and rage about the school situation.

Morning coffee and your daily routine, be it class or work, do not really mix. You chug a mug, and rush out the door to meet the day, and then WHAM. The coffee starts working your innards, and you’re trapped in Public Bathroomland. You either A) make use of the onsite facilities, knowing that everyone in proximity will hate you forever, or B) wiggle around in intestinal agony, spending your entire day dreaming of the moment when you finally reach the Holy Land of Poo.

It’s a right horrible ordeal to go through.

But I think it should be noted, right here, right now, that the almost zenlike feeling of finally making it to your personal potty party is really, very worth the wait.

I feel like I could solve some problems now. I feel like I could save some people now. I feel… like I could change the world. I really, honestly, truly could. One poo at a time.

Thank you and God Bless.

Yeah yeah, I really need to post more than just videos every now and then, but there are some things that just need sharing. And as soon as my bank account recovers from paying last month’s mobile bill, I’m snagging that track off Amazon and making it my new obsession.

I love The Guild. Love.

Anyway, news… news. Eh. School is coming up next week (gasp, oh noes). Later this week, I have “pre-employment testing” to go to, for whatever that means. I don’t even rate an interview. I just get tested. THE REAL WORLD IS JUST LIKE COLLEGE LOL. Oh, and I love a guy who hits you with flowers, chocolates and love notes, all on separate occasions, but well within a week’s time. Ok, so the chocolates were M&M’s, but I LIKE THEM OKAY. THEY WERE YUMMY. And also a surprise, so I count them! Officially. Hehe.

So here we are, doing this whole New Year’s deal again. I figured I might attempt to write some stuff out while I’m hungry and delirious and waiting for Kev to get his sweet smackable ass out of the shower. SMACK!

I got thinking about this as I was sitting out on the back porch, enjoying a choice, high-grade smoke (Marlboro) and talking about the glaring lack of plans we have for tomorrow. Not like I care. I don’t think I’ve ever had a New Year’s celebration to go off well for years. Last year was pretty much destroyed by breaking up with the ex. The year before was riddled with panic attacks in the wilds of Scotland (Aberdeen — dude… “wilds” is fitting on New Year I MEAN LIKE NO JOKE LULZ [huh?]). Before that was the fantastic experience of blacking out and coming to with some dude fucking me while I just silently prayed he’d get off, go away, and I could pretend it never happened. Year before that, my first and last experimentation with smokes beyond tobacco, which was a huge paranoid catastrophe. I think the New Year before that was fairly good, though. So it isn’t always fail.

And I can’t imagine this one being fail in any capacity. I mean, honestly? For real? I’d be perfectly content getting all jacked-up on sugar and caffeine, and crashing on the couch all snuggled-up and comfy. But that’s all I ever want to do any night. Sugar. Caffeine. Cuddle.

But this isn’t about what I want to do next year. This is about what I’ve done last year. And… well, yes, one thing dominates the whole handful of months: meeting Kev. Read the rest of this entry »